mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize