And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
