Someone shit on the floor
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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