He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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