Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
