so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
