My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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