what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
