I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
