Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
