well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
