I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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