i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dear god my vagina.
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