Dual....:-)
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
