Sry I called you an 8
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
