mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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