i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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