my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
