So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
