Someone shit on the floor
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize