So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
