Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
