I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
