you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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