maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
