You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
love makes seman taste better
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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