You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
