I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
