I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
