My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
