Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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