im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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