dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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