I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
BRING THE BAGELS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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