Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
