im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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