Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
