Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's paint friendship bongs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
