Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
