Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So gin and wine won't be happening again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize