apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
should my penis look like a turkey
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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