allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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