So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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