walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
