How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
