This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
