i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
