Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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