Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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