high people should be assigned attendants
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
