My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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