hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
