There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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