You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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