I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
