Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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