I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
