I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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