I got chris browned last night
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
