ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
