i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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