tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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