i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found your dick twin last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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