fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
