I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
