its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize