I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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