if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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