Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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