My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
