hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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