Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
