i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
