We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
