We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
