Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i think i just lost a toe
Oh god it's open bar.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
