we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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