when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
